The implications of a sabbatical are that of a focus on restoring health, mentally, physically, spiritually. In the past three months I have been forced to focus on the state of my mind, heart and body. Examining three years worth of repeated injury and living in an unhealthy environment is not for the faint of heart. Bottom line: It sucks.
And still, I am grateful for this season of sabbatical that I was thrown unknowingly into, like being tossed abruptly into a cold, raging sea. I didn’t plan on being unemployed, although my dreams died a little more each day in the job I held for the past 11 years. I didn’t intend to go through a divorce, although my ex-ish husband and I had evolved into a toxic coexistence.
Initially, I had no interest in starting a new career. Being unemployed has had disappointing side effects. I have had to cancel trips and races (my damn hip injury was also a contributing factor). And I have had to explore employment opportunities beyond my town and home.
Initially I had no interest in dwelling in this lonely desert… But it has grown to be the monumental blessing that I will build my new life on!
Alone, with no immediate family nearby, and no job, I have had the gift of time and space to cry until my eyes were swollen. To cry tears of anger and hurt. To make mistakes. To stay up all night drinking and throwing shit away. To deny. To believe. To doubt. To grieve. To read. To write. To be confused. To have it all figured out.
To be weak. To be injured. To pray. To plan. To throw all plans violently out the window. To be present. To be open. To heal.
To dream big dreams again. To become stronger than I ever imagined! And now, to become patient…
I am waiting rather impatiently to start my new life, and embrace my old dreams. I am READY. Ready for answered prayers. Ready to BE an answered prayer. Be the light. I am ready for God to put my life in motion! My heart like an engine ready to explode while I am waiting for the day I wake up to hear Him say “Sara, you’re strong enough now… You’re ready, set, GO!”